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The definition of control is the power to influence or direct people's behavior or the course of events. If it takes power to control, then who's power are we talking about? The simple answer is, Your power. Control isn't about the people, places or events around you. It's about what's happening within you. Your power lies within the emotions that connect you to your life experiences.
Most of us were taught at a young age to be obedient. Your first experience with control was from your parents. An external influence meant to keep you safe. Meant to keep you aligned with the ways of the family values. External forces out of our personal control. As a child you're taught that you can't trust your own emotional guidance system. Don't get me wrong here, parents do what they know how to do from their parents and on and on. This pattern continues to lead children down a path, into adulthood, thinking control is only external.
Now you're an adult! You go out into the world and place yourself under the control of the next person. Maybe it's your spouse, boss, friends and so on. You find yourself shoving down emotions for fear of disappointing someone or worse making them angry. Next thing you know, you are sick, in pain, unhappy and deeply depressed. Why is adulting so hard? Why doesn't anyone care about your feelings? How could things get so completely out of control?
The truth is, you never had control in the first place. Your control lies within not out there on all those people and situations. We spend a lot of time blaming others for our discomforts. Shoving your feelings down and following the leader. You are the only one in control of how each person and experience feels. You are in control of your emotions. No one can reach into your brain and tell you how to feel. Once you realize that your emotional guidance system is the switchboard to your happiness, you stop letting other people tell you what to do. You choose experiences that feel good to you. You take Control of your life!
You're thinking; "Ok, but I have to go to this crappy job every day and be controlled by my boss or I won't have a home." True, but you have control over how that job makes you feel. You can choose to appreciate the job for the paycheck that gives you security of a home, food. ect. You could start looking for a better job. Sometimes, the experience itself is sending you emotions to motivate you to move on. Change is hard, but change can become the best thing for your happiness. Controlling your experiences by using your emotions as a guide is the first step to finding your best life.
Your job in this life is not to control others. Your job is to see yourself as the gauge to your own experiences and adjust, allow, enjoy. It's not about how others feel about what you're doing. It's about how you feel when you're doing it. Giving your control to someone who doesn't have access to your emotional guidance system is like the pilot letting you land the plane with zero experience. The chances of you getting it wrong are high. Even someone with the best of intentions will only make decisions based on what they think is best.
Ask yourself, 'How does this experience feel? What can I do to change it? How can I adjust my thoughts to improve my emotions?" All of these questions place the control squarely on you. Is it easier to let someone else make the decisions? In the short run, yes. In the long run, you'll wonder where you lost control of your own life.
What's next? Start taking back your control. One step at a time. Start making your own decisions. Start creating the life you always wanted. Write down you current situations (work, relationships, home, ect). Take a few moments to examine how they feel. Write it down next to each situation. Next steps, write down a short-term goal to regain control. Track your progress.
Feeling a bit overwhelmed? I can help! I am an Abundance Coach. I am trained to assist you on your life's path. I'm here to help you navigate the emotions you have buried deep down for so long. A coach's job is to provide choices, ultimately the choice is yours because you are the controller of your own life! Step into your new life!
Contact me to set up your free 15-minute consultation @ 585-210-2230.
Namaste,
Kelli Murphy-Cohen
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